PPC Announces The Release Of Internal Party Constitution (Satire)

Party insiders have announced that the People’s Party of Canada will be releasing its internal party constitution, to entrench the rights and responsibilities of members.

When asked why it took over a year and a half to release a 12 page document, they replied that they had been preoccupied with other party functions. They said it took a lot of work to build a party from scratch, but did not elaborate further.

Of course, the party constitution will be just one governing document to be released. However, further documents will be based on the content and principles laid out in the party constitution.

The full document will be released to the public on Friday April 3rd. However, those same insiders have leaked the following details to the media:

  • Mandatory leadership convention after every federal election. All party members in good standing will be eligible to run for leadership.
  • Establishment of a National Governing Council, with members chosen by region. This will be to provide oversight over the leader and establish a check and balance.
  • Policy votes to be held after a minimum of 18 months, and a maximum of 3 years after the last vote. All members will eligible to put issues forward.
  • Oversight measures added to ensure extra transparency, especially related to leadership races and policy votes.
  • Policies to be adopted based on 70% participation, and majority approval in convention votes.
  • EDA regulations to ensure that they are chosen locally, not as the result of national interference.
  • Formation of bylaws regarding membership regulation and codes of conduct.
  • Guidelines to ensure donor money is well spent.
  • Measures to ensure private personal data is not leaked.
  • Provisions that the party may not be disbanded, or merge with another party without a 75% approval from members.

Sources commented (concerning the last point), that Bernier was getting annoyed that Twitter trolls were spreading rumours that PPC was only meant to be a temporary party. They denied that he was planning to unilaterally disband once the donations dried up. They added, once the constitution is formalized, we can put that rumour to bed forever.

The PPC is here to stay, they gloated. We have no intention of a merger, particularly with the CPC, now headed by Peter “the Shank” MacKay. As stated before, we support our Leader, Maxime Bernier as leader of the Party. Unconditionally.

The full version will be released shortly.

Toilet Paper Dealer Gunned Down In Kelowna (Satire)

Police are investigating the murder of a man who shot 4 times in the parking lot of a Walmart in Kelowna, BC, and robbed of his toilet paper.

The victim has been identified as Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, 40, a political refugee who arrived from the warzone of the United States. He had been reselling TP out of the back of his van at inflated prices for several weeks now. Yaxley-Lennon is an ex-con with a lengthy criminal record, who was known to travel using forged documents.

The RCMP are noting that witnesses are being unhelpful with the investigation. Surveillance footage shows the killer sharing proceeds of the robbery with nearby persons. They wonder if these people were in fact accomplices, or whether the killer was attempting to silence them with the Robin-Hood style sharing of the wealth.

A Canada wide warrant has been issued, but no details are being released about the suspect. The RCMP doesn’t want to assume the person’s gender, approximate age, ethnicity, or build. Nor do they envy a backlash for potential fat shaming or height shaming. But they have confirmed that the suspect was wearing brown shoes.

Toilet paper shortages have been rampant in the West in 2020. Residents have been freaked out about the economy collapsing, so bulk buys are leaving store shelves bare. Opportunistic individuals have come up with the idea of buying in bulk, and then reselling. This is a technique commonly known as scalping.

While a package of 12 double rolls had been selling about $15 ($1.25/role), these scalpers have been fetching an average of $3-4 per role while reselling. This has been so lucrative, that rumours had been heard people were intentionally spreading the corona virus.

Since then, turf wars have been waged across the BC interior, and is moving to Alberta as well. Since government regulations have made the (now legal) marijuana an unprofitable venture, many of the same people are turning to toilet paper.

Food is also being purged from grocery stores as well, except, notably, the vegan food remains. It seems that even during the corona virus apocalypse, no one actually wants to eat vegan food.

Officials are also reminding Canadians that scalping is illegal, and insensitive given the situation. They are stressing that identifying as an “undocumented merchant” doesn’t make it okay. Nor does a city wide TP-shortage justify gun violence or murder.

The Prime Minister, while vacationing in New Zealand, has issued his condolences. PM Trudeau suggested the creation of a TP registry in order to prevent future violence from taking place. He explained that if TP could be tracked, it would remove the incentive for criminals to behave this way.

Police are asking anyone with information to come forward.

Join The Nationalist Parody Canuck (NPC) Party

We are at a critical junction in Canadian politics. Some hard choices need to be made in the coming years. Indeed, this election, and the next few, will shape Canada for generations to come.

Take a look at some of our policies. I think you will agree that we are far more open and transparent than other parties are today.

To our American followers, similar efforts are being started up in your country.

1. Eliminate the deficit

Currently our government is overspending. This is a problem that happens year after year, and something must be done about it. The NPC Party is committed to fixing that with our fiscally sound approach. Canadians deserve better than what they have had all these years.

Remember, an NPC Government will take care to focus on the symptoms (deficit spending, debt), and away from the disease (Bank for International Settlements). Our party is committed to balancing the budget, and never going into deficit. We don’t need to get into the international usury and loss of our sovereignty. What is important is our commitment to eliminating the deficit — at some point.

2. Ending Corporate Welfare

The sun is setting on our game to enrich corporations using taxpayer dollars. Frankly, it’s surprising that it lasted as long as it has. However, our Party will stop using taxpayer money for your private gains. Or at least, we will make it harder to trace.

To all of our corporate backers, don’t fret. The NPC Party will see to it that Canadians are focused on a symptom (the money being wasted), and not on the disease (the underlying corruption). No one needs to know that your wife or uncle sits as a Director on a corporation that you paid $200M to. No one needs to know about the corporate or consulting gig you have lined up after your stint in politics.

3. Protect Free Speech

The NPC Party is committed to protecting free speech for all Canadians. As such, part of our goal will be to ensure a wide variety of voices and groups are available to participate in the public space. We’ll bring in millions more people if need be.

After all, importing large numbers of people from countries where free speech is not the norm won’t lead to demographic shifts, and cultural changes which will erode free speech. But if it does, we will be sure to blame Liberals and media bias. As a fallback, we can again pledge to defund the CBC.

4. Protect Gun Rights

The NPC Party is strongly committed to protecting law biding gun owners from harassment by authorities. Yes, we’ll slip something in the fine print to make gun ownership MORE of a headache. But what is important is what we claim to do. At the same time, we are committed to mass migration from countries where gun control is a real problem. But these things have nothing to do with each other.

Sure, we can blame it on the media, or Liberals, or of cultural changes in general. Don’t worry, we can actually do all three. But we’ll be sure not to mention that we have allowed millions of people to immigrate from countries where gun rights are non-existent. We will ensure that no one sees the connection between demographic changes and policy changes.

5. Reproductive Rights

The Nationalist Parody Canuck Party is committed to keeping abortion safe and legal, and will not reopen the debate. Sure, those cuck-parties won’t take a stand, but please don’t ask where WE stand on the issue. To ensure we aren’t considered bigots, we will use neutral language like “fetus”, instead of “baby” or “child”. Words do matter.

Our party will ensure that the public is focused on the symptom (ensuring women’s right to choose) and away from the diseases (black market organ sales, depressing the birthrate, or infanticide). Unnecessary topics don’t need to be scrutinized. You can depend on our government to deliver.

6. High Quality Education

Sure, it’s a provincial matter, but let’s weigh in on it. True, it seems wasteful to spend 3-6 years and $50,000+ on some worthless degree. However, we believe in personal responsibility and growth. Of course, these beliefs have nothing to do with union money that is funnelled to our members annually. If dimwitted students are paying to be indoctrinated with Marxist propaganda and social justice, who are we to interfere? After all, it’s only the tax payers who are guaranteeing the student loans.

To those worried about your jobs, don’t fret. Our Party will ensure that Canadians are looking at the symptoms (the nonsense of cultural Marxism), and not at the disease (the groups pushing cultural Marxism, and their motives). With our concentrated efforts, your parasitic institutions will be safe from any real scrutiny.

7. Sensible Immigration

We recognize that mass migration is a serious issue. Yes, we support the eventual genocide of the nation’s founders, but let’s not make it too obvious. As such, we propose a 5-7% reduction on immigration, while we continue to increase student visas, and temporary work permits. By appearing to address the issue, we will be miles ahead of the competition.

To those wishing to come to Canada, don’t be alarmed. Our attention will be on a symptom (one specific immigration program), and not on the disease (the replacement agenda). The NPC Party will ensure that we APPEAR to be tackling immigration, while ensuring the status quo remains in place. Perhaps we’ll pitch some “populist” lingo to dupe the voters. After all, if European nations want some semblance of stability, they’re just being racist.

8. Opposing Sharia law

Sharia Law is incompatible with Canadian law. As such, the NPC Party will ban Sharia Law from Canada, should we be elected. Certainly, we still support mass Islamic immigration into Canada. And sure, the vast majority of Muslims support Sharia Law. But Canadians can count on our party standing up for Canadian values. And it’s not like demographics shift over time, or anything like that.

Canadians must hear about the symptom (radical Islam itself), and not the disease (the groups pushing for Islamic expansion). Our party will ensure that the symptoms are burned into the consciousness of the Canadian public.

9. Freedom In Your Private Life

The NPC Party is committed to remaining out of your private life. As long as you are a law-biding citizen, and you pay your taxes, it is not our place to judge various lifestyle choices.

It’s a no brainer that the decline of society will be felt with this individualistic stance. As usual, however, you can trust in our party to deliver. Over and over we will emphasise the symptoms, (degeneracy, pornography, prostitution, drug use, globohomo, drag queen story hour, etc…) while avoiding the disease (the groups pushing and profiting from this decline). As long as we focus on individual choice — and an eye towards the consequences — society will overlook just how organized it really is.

Focus on the puppet, not the puppet-master, we say.

10. Climate Change Alarmism

Yes, climate change alarmism is a problem which a serious government must address. Notice how we refer to it as “alarmism” and not as a “scam”. The reason is simple, if we call it a scam, Canadians will expect us to take more decisive action. Language matters. Sure, eliminating carbon dioxide will end life on Earth as we know it, but let’s keep it to ourselves.

Canadians should be preoccupied with the symptoms (wasteful carbon taxes), and not on the disease (the players, the predatory UN loans and climate bonds industry). As always, you can trust our party to deliver results to you and your family.

11. Globalized Trade

The NPC party is committed to signing trade deals with as many nations as possible. Granted, many engage in currency manipulation. Granted, 3rd world nations can completely undercut Canadian manufacturers. But look at the stock prices and economic growth that will happen as a result.

As usual, Canadians can trust our party to focus on the symptoms (job losses, unemployment, lower wages), and not the disease (the free trade deals that cause it). With our help, these schmucks will never know that these policies we sign directly gut their futures and communities.

12. We Want To Rule

This political movement needs to be more than just irony or trolling. We need serious people to discuss serious issues. And (within the scope of permitted debate), we need to have a real debate on these issues.

The Nationalist Parody Canuck Party is that way forward. Put your trust in us to deliver the government that Canadians deserve. We will discuss all of the symptoms that other parties won’t, while continuing to ignore the underlying diseases.

Sure, our party has no constitution of governing documents, but that would just make it harder to shut it down when the time comes. And are leadership votes and policy votes really that important? We guarantee that we will discuss symptoms all the time.

To put it simply, “We want to rule!”

CPC Policy Convention To Be Held During National Abortion Week (Satire)

It is official: the Conservative Party of Canada’s 2020 policy convention will be held the week of October 15th, in Vancouver, to coincide with the 4th Annual National Abortion Week.

This comes not long after the leadership race was held in Toronto, to accommodate gay pride. Party insiders agreed that they must do more to attract new voters. The Vancouver Convention was scheduled with that in mind.

In its ever expanding goal of being more inclusive, the Party has booked the Metro Vancouver Convention Center for that week. The halal-only event was supposed to be in Mid-Town, but Muslims protested the degeneracy being promoted in their neighbourhood. CPC officials promptly apologized for their Islamophobia.

The CPC has also announced there will be changes coming to employment insurance for maternal leave. According to new Party Leader, Peter “the Shank” MacKay, the CPC will not discriminate between babies who live, and those who die, when it comes to handing out EI. He said it’s important those women (and other people who give birth) get treated the same.

Furthermore, abortion services will also become available to trans-women. Party officials agreed that not having ovaries or a uterus shouldn’t exclude a person from accessing their “reproductive health care”.

It was noted that as a conservative, promoting abortion made sense. Eliminating the clump of cells could be done for under $1,000, while years of child care and tax credits would cost far more.

MacKay also announced expanding immigration levels, including making it easier to get students permanent residency. “We’re going to staple green cards to diplomas.” Since the Canadian birth rate was falling it was necessary to import a replacement population. However, MacKay denied any connection between expanding abortion usage and birth rates.

The policy convention will be kicked off with Drag Queen Story Hour, followed by a demonstration of how to self-abort using drugs and coat hangers. Discount ball-waxing and gynecological services will be available to all transgender people. The CPC claimed it was committed to diversity and inclusion.

The Conservative Party asserts that “Diversity is a product of our strength, and that strength is freedom.” No longer would it cling to archaic ideas such as CONSERVING the heritage, culture, traditions, customs, languages, demographics, or spirituality of the nation. Last year it voted to not even conserve the ladies’ room.

People’s Party Leader Maxime Bernier mocked the event, saying that it was just more shameless pandering. When asked when the PPC leadership race and policy vote would be, Bernier looked confused. “Why would we do that? We don’t even have a party constitution.”

Detractors criticized the event, claiming that the CPC is conserving nothing, and panders to every imaginable fringe group. The CPC response was to say that bigots will not be welcome at their events. To emphasize that point, the CPC stated that party members are allowed to believe in the pro-life agenda, but must keep it to themselves.

The convention is expected to attract at least 10,000 people over 6 days.

A Year In Twitter Blockings

Happy New Year to everyone.

Hopefully, my efforts in 2020 to engage people will be more successful than this. We should all do what we can to talk to other people. As Trudeau would say, this is a “learning moment”.

PPC Announces It Is Being Shut Down (Satire)

(The following is satire/parody. Don’t take too literally.)

Good evening, everyone.

This is to announce that the party is being shut down, effective today. During my lunch break, I filled out the paperwork to de-register the party with Elections Canada.

About all those people I smeared over the last year, including those who voted for me in 2017, it is not personal. The Laurentian Swamp wanted me to become the leader, and the Dairy Cartel messed it up by rigging the final vote. You have to understand, that sometimes 2 wrongs really do make a right.

The party was meant to be a long term project, and to permanently alter the course of Canadian politics. Now, some people criticize the lack of progress in setting up the party structure. For example, there is still no constitution, by-laws, membership regulations, EDA rules, or any sort of Governing Council or governing documents. Well d’uh. It would have made it much harder to shut everything down if that apparatus was in place. Worked out pretty well.

On the topic of paperwork, Elections Canada has been really annoying lately asking for “financials” from all of the EDAs. They are also concerned that EDAs list a lot of people who have left the party a long time ago. Sometimes it’s easier just to cut your losses.

True, we skipped out on electing party leaders, or holding policy votes. But those sorts of debates just get really messy and divisive. Arguing gets us nowhere. Better to be united from the start. Our party strength comes from the fact that healthy discussion is encouraged. We are opening the Overton window on policy topics.

I want to thank Frank at KWG for putting up the billboards and giving me plausible deniability. You’re looking great since that fundraiser June last year. Cleared up the last of my leadership debt. But seriously Cody, stop grinning like that. I’m trying not to make it too obvious.

I also wish to thank Glen for that hoax of an email allegedly coming from Germany. Thankfully, it wasn’t too big a stunt, but it did generate the publicity we so desperately needed. Worked out well. The feigned outrage made enough of a splash to cast us as the real victims, without much scrutiny.

The platform is a populist one, because we “identify” it as such. Sure, we support Harper level mass migration from the 3rd world: 250,000/year, plus students, plus temps (all with pathway to permanent residence), but it’s different because it is labelled as populist. Certainly, the globalized free trade agenda outsources our industries and decimates communities, but look at those stock prices. And while we lecture about cutting the deficit, we will never tell you about the Bank for International Settlements which CAUSE the debt. We will focus on the Dairy Cartel, in order to distract you from the Banking Cartel. And while the new milk from the U.S. is filled with growth hormones, remember, it’s cheaper. Remember, it is “populist” because we identify it as such.

Those racist ethno-nationalists are not welcome in our party, and have no place here. Okay, we went from 96% European in 1971 to 72% in 2016. And yes, Europeans will be a minority by 2030. But racists who keep pointing that out are not permitted in the party. Nor are people who criticize large numbers of foreign cultures. Multiculturalism is great, but the difference is that we don’t pander to it. We just quietly accept population replacement.

Also, those who want to impose their will on others have no place in Conservative Inc. For example, those who believe abortion is murder are allowed to have private beliefs, but we will not advance their interests. Similarly, those who oppose funding pride parades, or drag queen story hour are bigoted and intolerant. Our party (while it lasted) was open to all sorts of people and identities.

Trudeau is a globalist who will sell us out to the United Nations. He will lobby again for a Security Council seat, and make us a part of the UN Parliamentary Assembly. I know how these work because as Foreign Affairs Minister I supported both. Globalism is a dangerous ideology, and we must be prepared to fight it.

Anyhow, please welcome the new leader of the Conservative Party, Rona Ambrose. I would criticize the roughshod way the CPC held their party nomination. In all fairness, however, at least they held one. At this point I ask everyone to unite behind her and to help them remove Trudeau at the first available opportunity. Sure, I call them “morally and intellectually bankrupt”, but I did spend a decade in government with them. They can’t be that bad.

Yes, a lot of you paid for those 5 year membership renewals over the last few weeks. Sorry, no refunds.

Anyhow, I’m off to go set up my Parliamentary pension.

Good bye.

Shut Up & Pay Your UN Taxes, Uppity Peasants (Satire)

(Ways to raise money)

(This is the Paris Accord, and “Conservative” Garnett Genuis’ dishonest spin in supporting it in Parliament.)

(Shiva Ayyadurai, Republican and former Senate Candidate explains how the Carbon tax really works.)

(UN supports global tax to raise $400B)

(Details of proposed global tax scheme)

(Pensions are also being eyed as a funding source)

(UN Environment Programme)

(Green finance for developing countries)

(International Chamber of Commerce)

(Addis Ababa Action Agenda)

(Global tax avoidance measures)

(Why stop at just billions?)

New Development Financing Proposals

  • SDR (or special drawing rights), from IMF $150B-$270B
  • Carbon taxes, $240B
  • Leveraging SDR, $90B
  • Financial transaction tax, $10B-70B
  • Billionaire tax, $90B
  • Currency trading tax, $30B
  • EU emissions trading scheme, $5B
  • Air passenger levy, $10B
  • Certified emission reduction tax, $2B
  • Current ODA Flow, $120B

It is no secret that we at the United Nations (the U.N.), has a rather expensive set of global goals. These goals vary from setting up a world government, to mass migration to overrun individual nations, to new development schemes, to controlling education, the media, and society as a whole.

These goals are ambitious, but as stated, expensive. Hundreds of billions of dollars (if not trillions) will be needed to accomplish this. However, people in the Western World are tired of footing the bill. Moreover, this will not be a one time thing. These influxes of cash will be required on an ongoing basis.

Most reasonable people will tell us to f*** off if they were presented with the truth about these “fundraising” schemes. Therefore, some sleight of hand will be needed. Let’s get into some of the more outrageous ideas.

In 2012, the UN released a 178 page manual titled New Development Financing. This outlined a series of “revenue generating tools” (a.k.a. taxes) which could be leveraged in order to obtain a good chunk of this money. Not a parody, or satire, but serious proposals which aim to be implemented. Of course there is this minor problem: there is no global government — yet.

One has to admire the sheer gall of this proposal. Why stop at just one method for fleecing the public, then you can incorporate a dozen or more at a time?

Socialists never tire of proposing to tax the rich, especially if those people happen to be billionaires. And why not? No one really needs billions of dollars to provide for their families. Sure, many have worked hard for that money. And certainly there will be taxes paid at some point, but that is never enough. Of course, this would involve interfering with the sovereignty of individual nations. if only there was some sort of UN Parliament to set this in motion.

Banks typically charge a monthly fee, or a transaction fee. You pay for the convenience of someone else holding onto your money. While this makes sense for the banks or credit unions, why should we stop there? Certainly a 25 cent to $2 charge per transaction could be levied onto your account by say, the Government or the U.N. The structure for banks to do it is already in place, so let’s take advantage of it. Not only should you pay a fee for local transactions, but for international ones as well. See the next section.

There are amounts withheld when currency is traded, either for cross border shopping or travel. Agencies which convert your money keep a small part for themselves. This is another great idea. Considering the climate emergency we are facing, people should have to pay a small tax for the privilege of travelling. Think of all the greenhouse gases that planes, cars, buses and trucks emit. If you must pollute the air, then at least pay the taxes when you convert your Dollars into Pounds, Euros or Yen. You’re only getting 74 cents on the dollar anyway. It won’t hurt anyone if you were suddenly only getting 72 cents.

One of our more well known initiatives is the carbon tax, which was expanded at the Paris Agreement in France. No, it’s not misleading the public to refer to it as: (a) a price on pollution; (b) being socially responsible; or (c) cleaning the air. By putting a tax on everything, this will generate at least $250B a year. Article 9 of the Accord, in particular, outlines the various ways to “scale up” the Carbon tax. This money can then be used in the commodities market to generate huge profits for certain allied groups. The climate bond industry is expected to top $100T within a decade. Think of the wealth and the possibilities that can come of that.

If your nation cannot reduce your greenhouse gases, there are Carbon credits you can purchase. This is commonly referred to as cap-and-trade. The idea is that there is no way you can meet these absurd standards without crashing your economy. We figure that you won’t actually cause the total destruction of your nation, as politicians do need someone to pay their pensions. Instead, countries can buy these credits, which are effectively a licence to pollute. Sure, this won’t help the environment, but at least you can pollute with a clear conscience. These credits will be sold to you by people whom we deem to be worthy of dispensing them. The criteria? Nothing to see here, people. Just remember to be socially responsible. If you must pollute, at least pay the fee.

Critics will whine that this has nothing to do with a cleaner atmosphere. And sure, it is incredibly wasteful when we fly tens of thousands of people annually to climate change conferences. But consider the big picture. Our conferences and expert advice will ultimately lead to lower admissions — at some point. Furthermore, we can’t do video-conferencing because …. reasons.

People with knowledge of 8th grade science have questioned whether Carbon Dioxide is really pollution. They claim it is critical for plants in the stage of photosynthesis. These science deniers blame climate change on “solar activity” and even spout out a chemical equation for photosynthesis

6CO2 + 6H2O + light ==> C6H12O6 + 6O2

Still not convinced? Just remember that according to Catherine McKenna – “If you actually say it louder, we’ve learned in the House of Commons, if you repeat it, say it louder, if that is your talking point people will totally believe it”.

You shouldn’t be flying (again, we are in a climate emergency). However, it’s worth noting that there are airline fees & levies on every single flight. Security fees, luggage fees, administration fees, etc… While this is a great start, there should be a fee going towards the U.N. After all, we are trying to clean up the atmosphere that your selfishness is helping to pollute. These fees will help to rid the atmosphere of pollution.

We could ban flying altogether, but then, how would we get to our annual conferences on climate change? Moreover, who would be contributing to our climate funds if we weren’t able to levy these fees? Better to charge you selfish people for polluting the air.

If we don’t flying or driving completely (and it would kill us financially to do so), why not have a certified emissions reduction tax? Let’s decide how many emissions that a vehicle should be allowed to emit, and then impose taxes for manufacturers not being able to meet those targets? We could charge fees for the manufacturer directly, then impose extra fees on the drivers and owners. After all, why should the burden only come on some parties? Are they not all involved in polluting the air.

On a larger scale, let’s establish some Special Drawing Rights, or SDRs. Basically, this would be a global fund which all nations would contribute to. Then the enlightened ones would decide how this reserve is spent, on whom, and what the criteria will be. Of course, who says the money has to spent right away? We can always leverage the SDR in a fashion similar to the climate bonds industry. Imagine the wealth that be generated by “transferring” this fund to more profitable uses. Sure, some people won’t get clean water, but life isn’t perfect.

This is a start, but the U.N. will upscale from billions to trillions in due course. After all, if countries are willing to pay for certain things, then with some guilting they will be willing to pay some more. All that is needed is the right message.

Now, as for that minor question about where the money will be spent:

Ok, sure, there is this “minor” problem of the UN having a history of corruption. And sure, you will have absolutely no control over where your money is spent once it leaves the Government. But those worries shouldn’t stop the nations from acting responsibly.

A good chunk of this money will go towards killing children in the 3rd world (a.k.a. abortion, or reproductive care). After all, what 10 year old girl who was raped by her uncle wouldn’t want an abortion? It’s more common than you might suppose — but don’t you dare blame the culture. Just think, with less children in the world, the wealth we redistribute will be shared by less people, hence enlarging each person’s individual share.

In a similar vein, we will spent money getting more women into the workforce. After all, what woman “wouldn’t” want to remain childless while working in a mindless job? Workplaces will become more gender diverse. We may even start putting women in militaries.

Education will become more inclusive. SOGI (sexual orientation & gender identity) schooling will now be available in children as young as 4. Think about it, chopping off your privates will mean you never have children. Females getting involved with females (as opposed to men) is a 100% effective form of birth control. Homosexuality means never worrying about an unwanted pregnancy again. But don’t worry, “reproductive care” will always be available should circumstances arise.

We will also be promoting diversity and multiculturalism in society. After all, who wouldn’t want to see their culture, traditions, customs & heritage replaced by groups that are totally foreign. Our belief is that diversity is our strength. In other words: diversity is a product of our strength, and that strength is freedom. Forced multiculturalism — without a democratic mandate — is the best way to ensure a peaceful society.

Our new Ambassador of Global Relations: Richard Codenhove-Kalergi III, will oversee the transition to a raceless society. For too long, we have been divided by immutable characteristics. Time for a one-world vision. Don’t worry, his late Grandfather had a plan.

The UN is also committed to ensuring that migration becomes a human right. No matter where you want to go, or why, we will get you there, and the host nation will pay for it. Why be denied access to a country simply because you were born somewhere else?

Sure, there’s overhead, employee salaries, marketing, and paying for global conferences. And there are the legal fees for some staff members charged with sex crimes. But at least some of the money does go towards helping people in the 3rd world.

JUST REMEMBER

“If you actually say it louder, we’ve learned in the House of Commons, if you repeat it, say it louder, if that is your talking point people will totally believe it”.

Proposing New Policies Based On GBA+ Training (Satire)

1. Important Links


CLICK HERE, for the review of GBA+ course itself.

CLICK HERE, to take GBA+ course.
CLICK HERE, for UN link to “gender inclusive language”.
CLICK HERE, for previous “peoplekind” review.

CLICK HERE, for the UN page on gender equality.
CLICK HERE, for women’s human rights.
CLICK HERE, for about UN women.
CLICK HERE, for goal #5 of sustainable development.
CLICK HERE, for guiding principles of UN women’s advisory, civil society groups.
CLICK HERE, for the Commission on the Status of Women.
CLICK HERE, for Canada’s GBA+ (Gender Based Analysis Plus)
CLICK HERE, for declaration of women’s rights.
CLICK HERE, for the 1995 Beijing Declaration for Women.
CLICK HERE, for the 2017 system-strategy for gender parity.
CLICK HERE, for gender-inclusive language
CLICK HERE, for guidelines for gender inclusive language.
CLICK HERE, for tools & training for gender inclusive language.

Note: As a “Government certified” entity in gender-based analysis plus (GBA+) I am more qualified than the vast majority of people to look at things through a gender spectrum

2. Prison Reform


Our population is approximately 50% males and 50% female (excluding all other categories). Yet the incarcerated population is about 90% male. We need to enact policies to close that gap. Ideas include:

  • Sentencing laws which give men a “gender based discount” for crimes, just like the Gladue Rights concept
  • Affirmative action for the police to take the person’s gender into account before finalizing an arrest
  • Quotas (just like in hiring and universities) so that a certain percentage of all arrested people will be female. Once the 50% threshold is near, we can re-evalute the policies
  • Reduce arrests for rape and murder, crimes overwhelmingly committed by men
  • Incentivize men to “identify” as women in order for a reduction in their prison sentences
  • Similarly, incentives to have men identify as “non-binary”

Turning the men into women will reduce our birthrate anyway. And certainly, what we need is less Canadians, to justify the push for replacement migration. Even the ethno-nationalists can agree with that.

3. Health Care Reform


Before anyone starts pushing a “biological reality” argument, we need to consider the facts. There is a huge disparity in the amount of health care spending between the genders. Look at the data:

  • Most neo-natal services are for women
  • Most abortions are for women
  • Most prescriptions for hormone replacement are for women
  • Most rape intervention spending is for women
  • Most gynecological service spending is for women
  • Most osteoperosis related services are for women
  • The majority of overall health care spending is for those identifying as female
  • 4. Employment Reform


    The wage gap still exists in society. Women are simply not paid the same as men. In order to fix that, every industry everywhere needs to be heavily regulated, and the pay structure monitored. The hiring, the positions, and the wages must all be set by the government. No, this is not Communism, it is forced equity. See the difference?

  • Most of the dangerous jobs are filled by men
  • Overwhelming majority of workplace deaths are men
  • Overwhelming majority of physical jobs filled by men
  • Most high level management jobs filled by men
  • Most of overtime hours performed by men
  • Most STEM and business programs filled by men, while arts and gender studies programs are filled by women
  • Most men take much less time off for raising children than do women
  • Yet, in spite of all these “inequities”, there still exists a pay gap. That needs to change. Of course, there also exists the option to force more women into the above categories. Sure, the women may not be happy, but we are here to smash the patriarchy.

    5. Cultural & Societal Reform


    While this is a very broad category, here are a range of ideas to make our culture more “gender compliant”.

  • 50% of all pornography must be of men, or those who identify as men (regardless of the sexual orientation of the audiences)
  • 50% of all strippers and restaurant staff (such as in Hooters) are required to be men, or at least identify as men
  • “King” and “Queen” will be purged from our history books to make room for gender neutral monarchies
  • All clothing stores will be required to add a “non-binary” department
  • Gay Prides will now be required to hold a “Straight Pride” event
  • Dating websites can no longer force users to disclose their gender
  • 6. Suicide Reform


    This needs to be pointed out: the overwhelming majority of suicides are committed by men. This is unacceptable. We will introduce tax breaks to make suicide more affordable for women.

    Ladies, start cutting!

    7. Diversity Is Our Strength!


    Some people may question this, but consider the following:

    All these extra laws and regulations we have to impose to hold our society together — doesn’t that make us stronger? Aren’t we united by having nothing in common?

    Canuck Law Now Certified In Gender Based Analysis Plus (GBA+) Training (Not Satire)

    (Getting into gay marriage)

    (men, women, and non-binary….)

    (Every identity group imaginable)

    (Yes, forestry is sexist, just like construction)

    1. Important Links


    CLICK HERE, to take GBA+ course.
    CLICK HERE, for UN link to “gender inclusive language”.
    CLICK HERE, for previous “peoplekind” review.

    CLICK HERE, for the UN page on gender equality.
    CLICK HERE, for women’s human rights.
    CLICK HERE, for about UN women.
    CLICK HERE, for goal #5 of sustainable development.
    CLICK HERE, for guiding principles of UN women’s advisory, civil society groups.
    CLICK HERE, for the Commission on the Status of Women.
    CLICK HERE, for Canada’s GBA+ (Gender Based Analysis Plus)
    CLICK HERE, for declaration of women’s rights.
    CLICK HERE, for the 1995 Beijing Declaration for Women.
    CLICK HERE, for the 2017 system-strategy for gender parity.
    CLICK HERE, for gender-inclusive language
    CLICK HERE, for guidelines for gender inclusive language.
    CLICK HERE, for tools & training for gender inclusive language.

    2. About The Course

    This course is designed as a basic introduction to GBA+. You will learn to define the key concepts of GBA+ and recognize how various identity factors can influence the experience of federal government initiatives. You will learn to identify how GBA+ can enhance the responsiveness, effectiveness and outcomes of federal government initiatives while applying some foundational GBA+ concepts and processes.

    3. What Is GBA+ About?

    Gender-based Analysis Plus (GBA+) is an analytical process used to assess how diverse groups of women, men and non-binary people may experience policies, programs and initiatives. The “plus” in GBA+ acknowledges that GBA+ goes beyond biological (sex) and socio-cultural (gender) differences. We all have multiple identity factors that intersect to make us who we are; GBA+ also considers many other identity factors, such as race, ethnicity, religion, age, and mental or physical disability.

    To state the glaringly obvious: this “course” embraces intersectionality, oppression complexes, and identity politics.

    Once you have completed this course, you will be able to:
    -Define the key concepts of GBA+
    -Recognize how various identity factors can influence the experience of federal government initiatives
    -Identify how GBA+ can enhance the responsiveness, effectiveness and outcomes of federal government initiatives
    -Apply some foundational GBA+ concepts and processes

    Whatever happened to treating everyone equally?

    This course is designed as a basic introduction to GBA+. Depending on previous experience, you may find the content familiar while others find it new and challenging. Also, depending on your job, you may be required to take additional training in GBA+.

    Kill me now.

    Regardless of your experience, education and current situation, this is your place to begin. The course includes video, graphic and written material for your review, as well as exercises to test your knowledge. Character profiles and case studies will assist you in applying some basic GBA+ concepts and processes. Take as much time as you require, and keep in mind that you can come back to the course as many times as you like.

    Doesn’t seem too difficult….

    You will need to score 80% or higher on this quiz to receive a certificate of completion. If you require a fourth attempt to pass the final quiz, you will be redirected to the beginning of the course.

    Where’s the cyanide when you need it?

    Now that you have gathered some information about the forest sector, it is time to seek out stakeholder perspectives on the issues of innovation and diversification in the forest sector.
    Think about which stakeholders to consider, as well as what value to place on their perspectives. For instance, if you place the highest value on consensus during your consultation and recommendation process, you risk not hearing important minority voices among your stakeholder group.
    Who is traditionally consulted? Who may get left out of the discussion, if, for example, forestry executives are consulted as a key group of stakeholders? Women and Indigenous peoples are under-represented in management positions in the forest sector and on the corporate boards most likely to seek participation in consultations. Are Indigenous leaders consulting the broader community?
    -Will the same engagement process work for all stakeholders? What are potential barriers to participation faced by different groups among your stakeholders?
    -How might socio-economic status and family responsibilities affect access to consultations? Could certain factors prevent front-line workers or women from participating in the discussion? Measures such as holding meetings during working hours might allow these groups to participate.
    -In this case, it would be particularly useful to consult those with knowledge of local ecosystems, including Indigenous forest sector organizations/representatives, community groups and other experts.

    4. Taking The Test


    Question 1 (Select the best answer.)
    Gender is:
    Roles, behaviours, activities, and attributes that a given society may construct or consider appropriate for men and women
    Biological and physiological characteristics that define men, women and intersex persons
    That’s right!

    Question 2 (Select the best answer.)
    GBA+ is conducted to:
    Examine the effects of policies, programs, and initiatives on diverse groups of women, men and non-binary people
    Ensure equality for women
    Promote pay equity
    That’s right!

    Question 3 (True or false.)
    Historical disparities do not need to be considered in the development of new policies, programs, and legislation.
    True
    False
    That’s right!

    Question 4 (True or false.)
    Before you begin developing a policy or program, you will already know whether an issue impacts diverse groups of women, men and non-binary people differently based on your individual experience.
    True
    False
    That’s right!

    Question 5 (Select the best answer. )
    Who is responsible for applying GBA+?
    The head of the organization
    Human resources officials
    Status of Women Canada
    Gender specialists
    Any official in an organization who is contributing to government initiatives
    Deputy Ministers
    That’s right!

    Question 6 (True or false.)
    Conducting GBA+ will always conclude that disparities exist between men and women.
    True
    False
    That’s right!

    Question 7 (Select all that apply.)
    Steps in the GBA+ process include:
    Checking your assumptions
    Gathering information and considering diverse stakeholder perspectives
    Consulting your organization’s Employment Equity policy
    You did not select the correct response(s).

    Question 8 (Select the best answer.)
    Which of these situations reflects bias/discrimination due to intersecting identity factors, as opposed to a single factor?
    A gay, white man is refused a construction job, even though he has all the necessary skills and experience
    An Indigenous woman is refused a job at a factory where many Indigenous men work “on the floor” in the factory and many women work in the administrative office
    That’s right!

    Question 9 (Select the best answer. )
    Parental leave policies are an example of a flexible approach because:
    Women and men are treated the same way
    Both women and men may apply
    It takes into account the evolving needs and circumstances of diverse parents
    That’s right!

    Question 10 (Select all that apply.)
    Documenting the GBA+ process can assist you with:
    Demonstrating to senior management that a thorough analysis has been undertaken in developing options
    Developing communications strategies to explain decisions
    Populating a bibliography
    That’s right!

    5. Final Thoughts


    It was possible to pass the quiz (8 of 10 questions required), on the first try, just from winging it. Just try to imagine the most SJW answers possible.

    Certificate arrived in about 10 minutes.

    The survey insisted on knowing my gender. I am a unicorn.

    Dodgeball Is A Tool Of Oppression (Satire)

    CLICK HERE, for the actual article.

    The moral problem is that dodgeball encourages students to aggressively single others out for dominance, and to enjoy that dominance as a victory

    The problem is actually much worse. In white majority countries, it should be noted that the majority of successful teams include mostly white players. Research has indicated that there is a correlation between whiteness and white supremacy.

    The games children play in schoolyards are famously horrible, if you stop and think about them.

    Tag, for example, singles out one poor participant, often the slowest child, as the dehumanized “It,” who runs vainly in pursuit of the quicker ones. Capture the Flag is nakedly militaristic. British Bulldog has obvious jingoistic colonial themes. Red Ass, known in America as Butts Up, involves deliberate imposition of corporal punishment on losers.

    This is absolutely true. Every children’s game in the Western World is about preparing our youth for war, and for ways to oppress marginalized people. These are specific examples that need to be exposed and stamped out.

    Contrast with the above photos #2 and #3. This shows tolerant Muslims and the richness that diversity brings us.

    But none rouse the passions of reform-minded educational progressives quite like dodgeball, the team sport in which players throw balls at each other, trying to hit their competitors and banish them to the sidelines of shame.

    Not only is this traumatizing for the children, but rarely, if ever, do dodgeball competitions hand out “participation trophies”. How will the children cope with that?

    When the Canadian Society for the Study of Education meets in Vancouver at the Congress of the Humanities and Social Sciences, a trio of education theorists will argue that dodgeball is not only problematic, in the modern sense of displaying hierarchies of privilege based on athletic skill, but that it is outright “miseducative.”

    Naïve parents will argue that kids are just kids, and they are just releasing their excess energy. But this completely misses the point. Most serial killers and rapists have played dodgeball at some point in their lives. Are we breeding the next generation?

    Experts agree, that we need to replace the Canadian population as an immediate measure to mitigate the effects anti-social behaviour as caused by dodgeball.

    Dodgeball is not just unhelpful to the development of kind and gentle children who will become decent citizens of a liberal democracy. It is actively harmful to this process, they say.

    These citizens also need to be aware that playing dodgeball is physical activity. Physical activity leads to heavy breathing, which leads to increased CO2 output. HELLO! We signed the Paris Accord for a reason. Do you want the Earth to heat up just so Little Johnny can get first place?

    As Butler’s abstract describes it, those “faces” are “marginalization, powerlessness, and helplessness of those perceived as weaker individuals through the exercise of violence and dominance by those who are considered more powerful.” Young’s list of these fundamental types of oppression also includes exploitation and cultural domination.

    Nations like Canada have demonstrated themselves to be an extremely welcoming place. And we shouldn’t jeopardize that just so some 11 year old can go “goose-stepping” and throw balls at other children.

    For teachers trying to foster the virtues of caring and inclusion, on this view, dodgeball is counterproductive. Sport can teach ethical behaviour and give students the chance to practise it and, in this sense, it is important training for citizens in a democracy.

    Of course this is true. Being part of the global democracy, is vital for all citizens of the planet.

    Fun for fun’s sake is good, Burns said, but when a teacher is formally telling students rules for a game, fun can also reinforce behavioural patterns, for good or ill. The moral problem with dodgeball, he said, is that it encourages students to aggressively single others out for dominance, and to enjoy that exclusion and dominance as a victory.

    One day they are throwing rubber balls at each other. The next they are perpetuating the next Holocaust. The connection is plain and obvious.

    What’s next? Pepe memes?