New “Ministry Of Free Speech” Opening In Canada (Satire)

Canada’s already bloated bureaucracy will be adding yet another Ministry to its ranks. Government officials confirmed this morning that the rumours were indeed true. The new Ministry of Free Speech will be headed by Iqra Khalid, a staunch supporter of this basic right.

Free speech and a free media are guaranteed to all Canadians under Section 2 of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which convers fundamental freedoms.

What started as a Twitter campaign by a few dedicated individuals has morphed into an actual Ministry, and its funding will be included in the next Federal budget. The Government has decided to take a public stand in how much it supports free speech and expression.

The National Anti-Hate League had been asked to act as a consultant, but they declined. The Group is overbooked with getting people doxed and deplatformed for comments posted online.

The mandate originally called for the doxing of distant relatives of Nazi collaborators. However, Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland stated that perhaps that portion needed to be revised. She didn’t elaborate further.

While freedom of speech is a great thing, wild and harmful conspiracy theories are not. The new Ministry’s mandate will clearly enforce harsh penalties for such actions. For example, a theory circulating is that Bill and Melinda Gates have been replaced by clones who are doing the bidding of the Deep State.

Additionally, conspiracy theorists claim that Gates’ vaccine agenda is just a ruse to implement mass depopulation of the planet. Of course, there is no evidence to substantiate such an allegation.

Another such hurtful claim is that Canada’s Chief Medical Officer, Theresa Tam, is actually a Chinese spy and a trans person. Detractors point to the lack of verifiable information, and that bulge. Today the Government made it clear that such hateful comments would not be tolerated.

Government officials also reminded the public that bigoted conspiracy theories about foreign influence are hate speech, and dehumanizing. Racist acts are not part of Canada’s values or culture, and would be dealt with severely. So-called evidence would not justify posting such material

Officials repeatedly stated that malicious and harmful remarks and theories are not protected speech, and that people engaging in it risk arrest. While Section 2 of the Charter provides for free speech, Section 1 puts limits on what is considered free speech.

Since the empty hospitals across the country have not been filled with the coronavirus patients the computer modelling predicted, insiders suggest they could be converted to forensic psychiatric wards to house mental patients who question the government’s narrative.

In related news, the Ministry of Breeding Out Europeans has been renamed the Ministry of Diversity and Multiculturalism. White supremacists had been long raving about a conspiracy to replace them in all Western nations. This change was supposed to quell those fears, but officials were perplexed when it didn’t.

Also, Bill C-6(B) has passed second reading and will be sent to Committee for study. This would allow dual nationals convicted of sex crimes against children to keep their Canadian citizenship. The Government pointed out that pedophiles are disproportionately subjected to cruel and dehumanizing language, and that they are a protected class.

When asked for comment about recent developments, conservatives have mixed messages. Andrew Scheer avoided the topic but stated that when they form a government, Justin Trudeau will be held to account. Ontario Premier Doug Ford gave a meandering, vacuous speech, then deferred to health officials. Alberta Premier Jason Kenney, with his “permanently concerned” look, claimed that Ottawa is neglecting Alberta’s needs. Quebec Premier Francois Legault asked would this new Ministry help Quebec get more equalization money from the West. All in all, there was no cohesive or consistent message.

Staffing appointments for the new Free Speech Ministry will be announced shortly.

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