Liberal to English Dictionary, And Liberal V.S. Conservative

If you find Canadian law and politics confusing and full or strange terms, don’t worry. Here we translate the most common phrases.

A Canadian is a Canadian is a Canadian: Anyone who has papers (or not) is a Canadian, even a convicted terrorist.

Ambulance Chasers: Those who question the transferring of child killer to a ”healing lodge”

Asking Too Much: The process of soldiers asking for their contractual benefits to be honoured, rather than the money going to ISIS fighers

Basic Dictatorship: Something to be admired, such as China

Because Its [Current Year]: The rationale for appointing incompetent people to positions because of race or gender

Diversity: (a.k.a. Entropy) Chaos, disorganization, disorder, disintegration, nothingness

Excluded From Society: People who slaughter people with bombs at public events

Foreign Travellers: ISIS fighters who return to Canada to be integrated

Fear and Division: When uncomfortable questions get asked, this is the reason

Hate Speech: Views that universities find mildly controversial

Irregular Arrivals: People who sneak into Canada, then demand public assistance

Islamophobia: Questioning the wisdom of bringing ISIS fighters back into a home country

Neanderthal: A person who questions the motivations of a finance minister

Negative Interaction: A sexual assault committed that the assailant would rather forget about.

Old Friends: Someone you don’t see for 30 years, who gives free vacations in return for consideration

Paper Canadian: A person who has Canadian papers, but has no actual care or interest in Canada — definition by Jill Colton

Peoplekind: destruction of humanity for political gain

Price on Pollution: A tax on breathing (CO2 generation)

Pro Choice Only: Banning candidates from running for a party nomination, since they view unborn children as people

Racist: Someone who questions the cost of thousands of illegal immigrants

Self Balancing Budget: The way accounting ought to be run

Sisters Upstairs: The segregation of women in a mosque, away from men, as they are inferior

We’re In Quebec: A way to snub an anglophone in Quebec by answering in french

2 Daddies: Used as a reference to same-sex marriage, or having a biological father different from a custodial father

Yes, it can be difficult to learn the new language. However, Barbara (I mean Chris), will explain it in this 5 minute instructional video. Remember, entropy is our strength. Nobody is perfect, but with this guide you will be well on your way.

(Yes, the ideas are not new. Enjoy anyway)

Conservatives believe that diversity is measured in terms of ideas and viewpoints.
Liberals believe that diversity is measured in terms of skin colour.

If a Conservative is gay, he will quietly go about his life.
If a Liberal is gay, he will demand legislated respect.

If a Conservative has different values, he will teach those to his children.
If a Liberal has different values, he will demand the school teach them to everyone.

If a Conservative is not religious, he will not go to church.
If a Liberal is not religious, he wants the religion banned (except foreign religions).

If a Conservative doesn’t like a TV program, he changes the channel.
If a Liberal doesn’t like a TV program, he wants the station shut down.

If a Conservative wants to see other cultures, he travels a lot.
If a Liberal wants to see other cultures, he demands open borders.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants meat banned for everyone.

If a Conservative doesn’t like guns, he will not buy one.
If a Liberal doesn’t like guns, he want them banned for everyone.

If a Conservative thinks crime is too high, he wants tough gun laws for criminals.
If a Liberal thinks crime is too high, he wants the police abolished and citizens disarmed.

If a Conservative hears about a crime, he wants the criminal held responsible.
If a Liberal hears about a crime, he wants the society held responsible.

In the case of pregnancy by rape, the Conservative would rather kill the rapist.
In the case of pregnancy by rape, the Liberal would rather kill the baby.

If you want to anger a Conservative, tell him lies.
If you want to anger a Liberal, tell him the truth.

The Conservative idea of equality is equality of opportunity.
The Liberal idea of equality is equality of outcome.

If you are Conservative and reading this, you are likely laughing.
If you are Liberal and reading this, you are likely getting angry

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