Conspiracy Theorists And Activists Now Support Vaccine To Cull Political Enemies (Satire)

In a surprising change of strategy, anti-mask and anti-vaxx protestors are actually calling for the Government to speed up delivery and access to the Covid-19 vaccine.

“We have tried, repeatedly, to warn them”, one protestor explained. “We presented all kinds of research, and expert advice. We even tried to open their minds with thought provoking questions. We even laid out all the financial ties and conflicts of interest. But it isn’t working. These people are too far gone, and are pushing their paranoid delusions on us.” The consensus seems to be that the vast majority were past the point of saving.

This new approach is not ideological, but one of pragmatism. People opposing Government overreach and draconian measures are still — at least for now — vastly outnumbered by those who support it. Unleashing the vaccine may be the only way to flip the demographics sufficiently.

Just to be clear, these conspiracy theorists have not embraced these new vaccines. They still allege that the vaccine will lead to millions of premature deaths, injuries, paralyses, tumors, cardiac issues and sterilizations. They still ask why this is needed for something that is less deadly than the flu.

Instead, they now welcome the vaccine, knowing that the same people who support masks will line up for their shot as well.

While morbid, the reasoning appears to be valid. Recent opinion polls show that a large percentage of people who support mandatory masks are weary about the vaccines. Others who support the vaccines overwhelmingly trust the experts 100%, and don’t think questions should be asked about their safety.

Karens across the West are struggling with the cognitive dissonance. True, they demand lockdowns, masks and other restrictions to make themselves feel virtuous. Now they have to decide if they mean it, or were just gaslighting people for asking questions.

Politicians and public health officials are scrambling to respond to this new approach from the anti-vaxxers. While publicly telling everyone to get the shot, they realize that they will be killing off the only people who actually believe in them, while causing an awakening in others.

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