Category: Satire/Parody

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Babylon Beaver Endorses Open Borders, From Our Gated Community (Satire)

Canada’s leading satire outlet, the Babylon Beaver, publicly supports the call for more diversity coming to Canada. It joins the chorus of rich liberals, trust fund babies, and other cosmopolitans looking to remake the country.

However, some are concerned that their voting power is being diluted, as diverse areas take up increasing numbers of seats in the Provincial and Federal Parliaments.

Previously, the Beaver had been run out of a large metropolitan city. However, as the town grew in size, it became increasingly unfriendly and fractured …. for some reason. Taxes, crime and drugs also went up.

Currently, the parody chain is located in a gated community in Northern Ontario. The area is affluent, exclusive, and very difficult to get into. It is noted that gates communities in general are the most tolerant, advocating for open borders. Racists have decried the hypocrisy of calling to open the floodgates then they are not exposed to the consequences.

The Beaver reminds people that they are always free to have more children.

Wealthy lawyers in Toronto point out that just because a person has 400 or so years of history in Canada, that they have no right to prevent others from entering and remaining in the country.

Managing Editor Robert Putnum is a former researcher into sociology. He has looked into these trends over many years.

The Beaver is committed to supporting and nourishing multiculturalism and forced diversity — just somewhere else.

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Macron v. Hitler (Satire)

(Artist Unknown)

How would Hitler stack up against Emmanuel Macron of France?

Hitler: Alpha male
Macron: Beta male

Hitler: Fantasized about conquering and dominating France
Macron: Fantasized about being conquered and dominated by Germany

Hitler: Wants to take over Europe
Macron: Wants others to take over Europe for him

Hitler: Wanted a European army dominated by Berlin
Macron: Wanted a European army dominated by Berlin

Hitler: Will imprison or kill people for wrong-think
Macron: Will dox people for wrong-think

Hitler: Wrecked Europe using huge German armies
Macron: Wrecked Europe using huge foreign armies

Hitler: Bullied Eastern Europe into doing his bidding
Macron: “Trying to” bully Eastern Europe into doing his bidding

Hitler: Angered that the Americans defeated Germany in 1918
Macron: Angered that the Americans liberated France in 1918

Hitler: Raised the swastika flag over fallen nations
Macron: Raised the European Union flag over fallen nations

Hitler: Believed legality of secondary importance
Macron: Believed consent of secondary importance

Hitler: Wanted “lebensraum” in Europe for German people to live
Macron: Wanted “lebensraum” in Europe for African and Middle Eastern people to live

Hitler: Thinks that strong national identity is necessary for a nation
Macron: Thinks that national identity shouldn’t exist

Hitler: Wanted a society of a pure Aryan race
Macron: Wanted a society of a pure mixed race

Hitler: Believed that the German people were superior to all
Macron: Believed that the French people were superior to none

Hitler: Blames Jews for Germany’s many problems
Macron: Blames whites for France’s many problems

Hitler: Hates diversity of thought, and diversity of race
Macron: Hates diversity of thought only

Hitler: Had a beta sidekick named Mussolini
Macron: Had a beta sidekick named Trudeau

Hitler: Replacing other populations using force–
military occupation/invasion/deportations/killings
Macron: Replacing local populations by:
(a) abortion on demand;
(b) LGBTQ agenda;
(c) encouraging career over family;
(d) making a family unaffordable;
(e) “White Guilt” to discourage breeding;
(f) mass immigration of very different groups;
(g) forced multi-culturalism;
(h) balkanization and white flight;
(i) celebrating other cultures;
(j) tax incentives for foreigners to start families

Who is worse?

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Ungrateful, Snooty, French President Wants ”E.U. Army” to Protect Against U.S.

(Paris, the last time there was a ”European Army”)

(Macron, lobbying last year for a single European (1) army; (2) budget; (3) tax structure)

(Macron admits France would have voted to leave EU if referendum held)

Where to begin with this one? French President, Emmanuel Macron is calling for the formation of a European Army, to protect Europe from the U.S., Russia and China. He also calls out rising nationalist sentiment in Eastern Europe, such as with Hungary and Poland.

Aside from the the arrogant tone Macron has, there are a number of flaws with this move. I am tempted to classify it as ”satire”.

(1) Macron completely whitewashes France’s history as an imperialistic and colonising power.

(2) The U.S. and Russia helped defend France from a German invasion in World War I (1914-1918).

(3) The U.S. and Russia (the Soviet Union) defeated Hitler and the German army, in World War II (1939-1945). Incidently, France has surrendered after just 6 weeks.

(4) From 1945 to 1989, the U.S. presence kept the Soviet Union from pushing further into Europe. Macron seems to forget about NATO (the North Atlantic Treaty Organization), which both the U.S. and France are part of.

(5) Macron is not the first arrogant French President in this type of case. Charles de Gaulle was a constant embarrassment, and eventually forced NATO headquarters to be removed from Paris, and relocated in Brussels, Belgium.

(6) Macron omits that the U.S. has had tens of thousands of troops in Europe for decades, and could have conquered France at any time.

(7) Macron omits that European nations gutted their military budgets in the 1990s, to focus on social spending.

(8) Macron denigrades ”nationalists”, but those leaders, like Viktor Orban in Hungary are actually very popular. Macron is the one acting against his people’s wishes.

So what is the real motivation for the army? Is it to stamp out any anti-EU factions? Is it to ”expand EU influence” into other regions? Macron is not Napoleon, and France is no longer a military power. Get real.

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Liberal to English Dictionary, And Liberal V.S. Conservative

If you find Canadian law and politics confusing and full or strange terms, don’t worry. Here we translate the most common phrases.

A Canadian is a Canadian is a Canadian: Anyone who has papers (or not) is a Canadian, even a convicted terrorist.

Ambulance Chasers: Those who question the transferring of child killer to a ”healing lodge”

Asking Too Much: The process of soldiers asking for their contractual benefits to be honoured, rather than the money going to ISIS fighers

Basic Dictatorship: Something to be admired, such as China

Because Its [Current Year]: The rationale for appointing incompetent people to positions because of race or gender

Diversity: (a.k.a. Entropy) Chaos, disorganization, disorder, disintegration, nothingness

Excluded From Society: People who slaughter people with bombs at public events

Foreign Travellers: ISIS fighters who return to Canada to be integrated

Fear and Division: When uncomfortable questions get asked, this is the reason

Hate Speech: Views that universities find mildly controversial

Irregular Arrivals: People who sneak into Canada, then demand public assistance

Islamophobia: Questioning the wisdom of bringing ISIS fighters back into a home country

Neanderthal: A person who questions the motivations of a finance minister

Negative Interaction: A sexual assault committed that the assailant would rather forget about.

Old Friends: Someone you don’t see for 30 years, who gives free vacations in return for consideration

Paper Canadian: A person who has Canadian papers, but has no actual care or interest in Canada — definition by Jill Colton

Peoplekind: destruction of humanity for political gain

Price on Pollution: A tax on breathing (CO2 generation)

Pro Choice Only: Banning candidates from running for a party nomination, since they view unborn children as people

Racist: Someone who questions the cost of thousands of illegal immigrants

Self Balancing Budget: The way accounting ought to be run

Sisters Upstairs: The segregation of women in a mosque, away from men, as they are inferior

We’re In Quebec: A way to snub an anglophone in Quebec by answering in french

2 Daddies: Used as a reference to same-sex marriage, or having a biological father different from a custodial father

Yes, it can be difficult to learn the new language. However, Barbara (I mean Chris), will explain it in this 5 minute instructional video. Remember, entropy is our strength. Nobody is perfect, but with this guide you will be well on your way.

(Yes, the ideas are not new. Enjoy anyway)

Conservatives believe that diversity is measured in terms of ideas and viewpoints.
Liberals believe that diversity is measured in terms of skin colour.

If a Conservative is gay, he will quietly go about his life.
If a Liberal is gay, he will demand legislated respect.

If a Conservative has different values, he will teach those to his children.
If a Liberal has different values, he will demand the school teach them to everyone.

If a Conservative is not religious, he will not go to church.
If a Liberal is not religious, he wants the religion banned (except foreign religions).

If a Conservative doesn’t like a TV program, he changes the channel.
If a Liberal doesn’t like a TV program, he wants the station shut down.

If a Conservative wants to see other cultures, he travels a lot.
If a Liberal wants to see other cultures, he demands open borders.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants meat banned for everyone.

If a Conservative doesn’t like guns, he will not buy one.
If a Liberal doesn’t like guns, he want them banned for everyone.

If a Conservative thinks crime is too high, he wants tough gun laws for criminals.
If a Liberal thinks crime is too high, he wants the police abolished and citizens disarmed.

If a Conservative hears about a crime, he wants the criminal held responsible.
If a Liberal hears about a crime, he wants the society held responsible.

In the case of pregnancy by rape, the Conservative would rather kill the rapist.
In the case of pregnancy by rape, the Liberal would rather kill the baby.

If you want to anger a Conservative, tell him lies.
If you want to anger a Liberal, tell him the truth.

The Conservative idea of equality is equality of opportunity.
The Liberal idea of equality is equality of outcome.

If you are Conservative and reading this, you are likely laughing.
If you are Liberal and reading this, you are likely getting angry