Babylon Beaver’s Fred Menekin On Coronavirus Mutation (Satire)

UK medical EXPERTS have announced their findings on a new strain of the Coronavirus. EXPERTS say this new strain is deadlier than the first and requires new public safety measures. The World Health Organization of EXPERTs has confirmed the new strains and provided new safety protocols.

Due to the severity of this new strain, measures need to be doubled up according to Dr. Tedros and his team of EXPERTs. Measures include but not limited to wearing two masks instead of one. A new 12 foot social distancing is also required. While vaccines are now in distribution, Pharma companies should begin receiving immediate emergency funding for a new vaccine stated DR Tedros.

Once the current cycle of vaccinations has completed Leaders across the world must provide needed financial assistance for the struggling WHO, GAVI and Pharma manufacturers advised of Bill and Melinda Gates and Klaus Schwab. The immediate need for a new DNA vaccine instead of the regular RNA vaccine will halt this deadly pandemic urges Bill, an EXPERT on VIRUS’.

Canadian Premiers Doug Ford, Brian Pallister, Jason Kenney, and John Horgan have said they would abdicate any decision making to their team of medical EXPERTs. The Premiers have discussed the new recommendations and stated they will wait for advice on their team of medical EXPERTs. Dr. Terrace Tam of the Federal Public Health Agency has made the statement that although they don’t see enacting any new measures, said they are enacting measures before Christmas.

Note: Fred is the newest addition to the Babylon Beaver staff. He identifies as an undocumented vaccinee, and we are not allowed to question that.

Babylon Beaver Endorses Eric O’Toolie For Prime Minister (Satire)

After serious consideration, staff at the Babylon Beaver have decided to support Eric O’Toolie for Prime Minister in the next Federal election.

Anti-free speech elements in the CPC have tried to get this parody account banned from Twitter, claiming it is misrepresentation and impersonation. The producers here at the Beaver do not support censorship or deplatforming of anyone, especially political candidates.

Parody accounts in particular need the most protection, as the truth is too painful for most people to grasp.

Eric (with the goatee), never worked as a Facebook lobbyist, or for Heenan Blaikie, or supported FIPA or CANZUK, or sold Canadians out to foreigners. Eric has also never celebrated walking around in red high heel shoes. That makes him a far more attractive choice then Erin (without the look).

Sure, there are concerns that Eric is just an internet meme, and not a real person. However, the Babylon Beaver recognizes that no one is perfect, and is willing to work with Eric.

And yes, it’s true that Eric has no platform, stands for nothing, and speaks in empty and vacuous platitudes. However, that just shows that he has the experience for the job.

Government Asks Whites To Stop Having Children To Prevent Covid Spread (Satire)

Canada’s Immigration Minister has publicly asked for people of European descent to stop having children for the foreseeable future, in order to stop the spread of Covid-19.

Not only is speaking English risky, (as outlined by Yahoo and Forbes), but certain ethnic groups were prone to spreading it a lot faster.

According to new computer modelling by Professor Neilio Fergusonino, Europeans have a 50% greater likelihood of spreading the virus than do other groups. Since Covid is here to stay, it’s only suitable that those at the greatest risk.

Details of this modelling were not released. However, the science is settled, and there is no debate on the issue. After all, the anti-pluggers and anti-crawlers were outraged initially, but eventually went along with science.

Sacrifices had to be made now, to ensure what happened in March in Kelowna would not become a regular occurrence.

Ontario Premier Doug Ford is riding high in the polls after publicly announcing he was infected. People temporarily forgot about the economic collapse he caused.

However, some admitted, this presents a great opportunity to further diversify Canada by replacing the old-stock Canadians with a more diverse forms of culture and heritage. Officials admitted that without the pandemic, it would be hard to get people on board with this.

Canada was going further into a multicultural mode. Sure, politicians would be resentful because of their leading role. But without that leading role, Canada would not survive.

The Immigration Minister’s Press Secretary wrote:

In pluralistic societies like Canada, we do not derive our identity from our racial, religious or ethnic origin — unlike most countries in the world. We derive our identity from shared values.
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Diversity is important. There’s no doubt about that.
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We need to challenge one another with new ideas, innovative thinking and differing perspectives in order to grow and thrive, as well as to solve the problems of our day. Societies that are too conformist or homogeneous are not only boring and banal places to live, they’re also destined to fail.
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Look at North Korea — the most homogeneous country in the world; closed to immigration and most trade — where everyone is equal in their misery and nothing meaningful has changed in decades.
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Or Japan, which allows little diversity in ethnic makeup or societal norms, and, in turn, the population is aging, the economy is stagnant, and debt is ever-growing. In other words, the society is dying.
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Diversity is necessary. But diversity, in and of itself, is not necessarily a feature. The most diverse empires and countries in the world have fractured, imploded or dissolved, be it the Roman Empire, the Ottoman Empire or the former Yugoslavia. Diversity alone wasn’t the problem, but diversity without a common commitment, in other words, without unity, led to collapse.
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We need shared laws, shared values, shared traditions, and a shared identity to thrive and succeed. We need pluralism and nationhood.
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It’s unity that makes us love our country and fosters patriotism. It’s unity — imbedded within diversity — that is our true strength.

Racist Alt-Righters immediately accused the Government of trying to replace them. They allege that stopping white births, combined with importing more people was a plan to breed out whites.

Officials denied that there was any effort to replace them. Bringing more people to Canada was necessary to make up for a work shortfall caused by certain groups not having more children.

In 5 to 10 years, we should have this pandemic under control, the Minister said. At that point, if whites are properly vaccinated, and have been wearing masks, we will certainly invite them to have children again.

However, he added, by that point, Canada will be so radically transformed that the majority may decide that white supremacy is no longer welcome.

Another report found that tall people were more likely to catch the coronavirus. Officials are speculating about ways to navigate that problem.

Ford Announces He Has Covid-19, In Order To Boost Sagging Poll Numbers (Satire)

Ontario Premier has declared that he has tested positive for Covid-19, in an effort to gain sympathy from the public, and deflect attention from the economic collapse he caused to Ontario.

Reaction on the internet was mixed. Many offered well-wishes, while others said they hope he dies.

When asked if Parliament would still be reopening, and issues debated, officials laughed. Why would we do such a thing, they asked.

However, all is not as it seems. According in internal memo leaked by insiders: Ford will have Covid until the end of October. After a few week lull, Health Minister Christine Elliott will claim to test positive. Education Minister Lecce will follow suit a month or so afterwards.

Announcements of anonymous staffers testing positives will be spread out into the new year. By that time, Ford figures that the 5G surveillance system should be fully operational, and that the masks will have broken most people’s individual resistance.

The report cites internal polling which showed a huge drop in support after he released the video of himself making cheesecake. Also, attempts to appear more relatable hadn’t led to much of a rebound.

Two main scenarios were discussed. The first involved fully opening up Ontario and having to answer for his crimes. The other required milking the system for sympathy, but otherwise keeping Ontario closed.

Ontario Deputy Medical Chief Barbara Yaffe was asked again about testing, and she had this to say:

“When you do antibody testing in an area where the virus has never been, you’ll get false positives, almost 70% of time time. If there is already a herd immunity, those antibody tests will come back with false negatives over 80% of the time. And don’t get me started on how back testing for the virus is itself. That being said, we are ramping up testing throughout Ontario.”

BC Provincial Health Officer Bonnie Henry added: “Sure, there’s no science in anything we do, but my orders are not voluntary. People need to understand that.”

Current polling for the 2022 election was conducted by Trolling Viewers Inc. There is a margin of error of +/- 3.1 percentage points, 19 out of 20 times.

30% – Quit Bothering Me
28% – Liberal Party
25% – New Democrat Party
7% – Green Party
6% – Other
3% – The Dog Sh** I Stepped In
1% – Progressive Conservative

The Babylon Beaver wishes Premier Ford a speedy recovery.

Babylon Beaver Launched As Canuck Law Spin Off (Satire)

In collaboration with the Babylon Bee and (Not) The Bee, Canuck Law is starting up a satire division to help bring humour an levity to Canadians.

Several alcohol companies are also financing this effort. They expect increased liquor sales, as Canadians realize just how screwed they really are.

Marijuana companies in British Columbia had been set to sponsor as well, but found themselves unprofitable. Yes, government regulations made weed unprofitable in BC.

The new design is an image of a beaver sodomizing a log as Babylon’s logo. Originally that presented some concerns to the publishers. However, since the Trudeau Government legalized beastiality, and lowered the age of consent for anal, those barriers were removed. As for consent, don’t worry, the log just experienced it differently. Of course, using a glory hole is safer for everyone.

BCPHO Bonnie Henry suggested that the beaver should be wearing a mask as a sign of respect and courtesy. She looked puzzled when asked what evidence there was that masks worked.

Babylon is also a perfect metaphor to represent Canada’s multicultural heritage. After all, everyone at the Tower of Babel spoke different languages, and hence no one was able to understand each other. It’s symbolic of Canada’s lack of any real identity.

Having an open comment forum is probably the best option. It’s a reminder of the open borders country we have had for decades, where anyone and anything are accepted.

No question, there will be difficulties. The Canadian market is already pretty saturated with fake news and parody outlets, such as CBC, CTV, Global News, and the Post Media empire. There is also already an established “diet-fake” industry that includes The Post Millennial and True North Canada. Nonetheless, we will push on.

The Babylon Bee helped CNN set up a real-news spinoff. Now, they are assisting Canuck Law and Babylon Beaver get a similar offshoot going for CBC and Global News.

Staffers at Canuck Law have realized that satire, and just making things up, is way easier than doing research and due diligence. However, this will not impact the real-news division.

It was also discovered that piggy-backing off of an established satire site was a much simpler idea than coming up with an entirely new outfit.

Until the Babylon Beaver can start lobbying Ottawa, we won’t have access to any of that $1.4 billion government subsidies other outlets get. Please chip in, so we can pretend that it is going to the writers.

Support Babylon Beaver: the most trusted name in fake news, (that your tax dollars are forced to subsidize).

Solutions #14: Making More Informed Voting Choices

Justin Trudeau’s election in 2015 was due to a few things: nepotism, foreign money, a cooing media, and decent looks. By any objective measure, he has been a disaster.

To be fair, having a “conservative” in office would have led to most of the same harmful and destructive policies. Trudeau, to his credit, is openly a globalist, while conservatives are more stealthy about it. Nonetheless, we need people asking the right questions before they vote.

1. Previous Solutions Offered

CLICK HERE, for #1: Offering something to the other side.
CLICK HERE, for #2: Canada should leave the UN entirely.
CLICK HERE, for #3: Dumping multiculturalism and feminism.
CLICK HERE, for #4: More births instead of replacement migration.
CLICK HERE, for #5: Restore 1934 Bank of Canada Act
CLICK HERE, for #6: Abolish Human Rights Tribunals Entirely.
CLICK HERE, for #7: Abolish Gladue, fix underlying problems.
CLICK HERE, for #8: Banning (political) corporate welfare.
CLICK HERE, for #9: Putting a total moratorium on immigration.
CLICK HERE, for #10: How to do research, investigative journalism.
CLICK HERE, for #11: Have proper entry/exit border system.
CLICK HERE, for #12: Maintain spiritual foundation of the West.
CLICK HERE, for #13: Refusing forced vaccinations/medications.

2. Views/Bias Of The Author

Everyone has their own political slant. To get this out of the way: the views of the author more generally reflect the views and content that are addressed on the site. The site is nationalist leaning, and rejects conservatism and libertarianism, which are really just globalism.

Modern “leftism” (if that if even a proper term) is a globalist ideology. Although not a complete list, here are some of the things they support

  • Population replacement of Europeans
  • Erasure of traditional culture and heritage
  • Languages other than English and French
  • Identity politics for certain groups
  • Foreigners in the government
  • Foreigners in the military
  • Forced multiculturalism
  • Replacement of Christianity in the West
  • Globohomo agenda world wide
  • Mutilation of trans-children
  • Abortion becoming normalised and mainstream
  • Destruction of families
  • Pro climate change scam, carbon tax
  • UN and other “multilateral” institutions
  • Islamification of the West
  • Foreign aid handed out everywhere
  • Foreign interventions (but somehow not war)
  • Won’t discuss cause of foreign debt (Banking Cartel)
  • Government control over all major aspects of business
  • Limiting ability to send jobs overseas
  • Restricting free speech rights
  • Strong gun control, seizures

Modern conservatism (or “Conservative Inc.”) supports many of the same globalist ideologies and principles as the left, or liberals. Although the tone and rhetoric vary, a lot of the content is the same.

  • LEGAL population replacement of Europeans
  • LEGAL erasure of traditional culture and heritage
  • Languages other than English and French
  • Identity politics for certain groups
  • Foreigners in the government
  • Foreigners in the military
  • Globohomo agenda world wide
  • Mutilation of trans-ADULTS
  • LEGAL forced multiculturalism
  • Abortion becoming normalised and mainstream
  • Destruction of families
  • Pro climate change scam, but against carbon tax
  • UN, while claiming it won’t erode sovereignty
  • Islamification of the West (just not radicals)
  • Foreign aid for some places (like Israel)
  • Foreign wars that aren’t in Canadians’ interests
  • Won’t discuss cause of foreign debt (Banking Cartel)
  • Business interests topping interests of people
  • Offshoring/Outsourcing jobs overseas
  • “Monitoring” the situation of free speech violations
  • Sometimes stand on the side of gun owners

From the listings, it doesn’t seem like Liberalism or Conservative Inc. are all that different. Now that the views and biases are disclosed, let’s look at ways you can help make informed choices about who to vote for

3. Candidates Asking The Right Questions?

To be an effective representative, candidates must be addressing the right topics, and asking the right questions. However, far too many deflect. Here are some examples of topics that serious candidates should discuss if they really represent the interests of Canadians.

(a) Illegal border crossings into Canada: This should be a no-brainer to be against illegal aliens entering the country, but it’s not for many. Even those who call for closing the loophole in the Safe Third Country Agreement are in favour of work permits for illegals. There is tepid opposition to using taxpayer funded social services. If a candidate is serious about stopping illegal crossings, why wouldn’t they support stripping away the financial benefits for doing so? And why aren’t they talking about the people fighting in court to rewrite laws, and those facilitating the illegal entries into Canada?

(b) True scale of immigration into Canada: Politicians typically mislead about the true scale of people entering the country LEGALLY. They mention the number of permanent residencies handed out (if that is even accurate), but deflect from the true scale of people entering. They don’t discuss the problems that multiculturalism and population replacement bring, nor the balkanization of communities.

(c) Outsourcing/offshoring Canadian industries: There is a lot of talk about the benefits of free trade (also called globalization or offshoring), but little about the harmful effects. Who cares about corporate profits when entire communities are gutted, when it becomes cheaper to ship their jobs and industries overseas? Sure, it lowers prices at Walmart, but there are larger social costs. These costs involve: trade deficits; job losses; outsourcing; wage stagnation; wage depression; increased foreign competition; higher unemployment; loss of control for critical industries, and more. Immigration and free trade (think CANZUK), are linked, in that it creates an INCREASED demand for work, but with a REDUCED supply of jobs available. Candidates who care about their people should address this openly and honestly

(d) International Banking Cartel: Politicians often play a sleight-of-hand with deficit/debt. They will talk about “eliminating the deficit”, without mentioning that it still doesn’t deal with the already accumulated debt. Even worse, if that they won’t address the banking cartel, which Canada has been part of since 1974. Yes, money is artificially created, but instead of borrowing from the Bank of Canada (borrowing from ourselves), subsequent governments borrow artificially created money from private banks, meaning we have to pay for it. Even left-wing politicians act as controlled opposition in avoiding the topic.

(e) Corruption behind corporate welfare: While some politicians lament the fact that Provincially and Federally, we still hand out tax-payer subsidies (corporate welfare), few will address the fraud, corruption, and cronyism that is essential to these handouts. The focus is on a symptom, not the disease. Theft is a crime, and it shouldn’t be considered less of one just because one of the thieves is an elected official.

(f) Climate Change Scam: Talk among major politicians seems to be over whether a carbon tax is needed, or what type or pricing is needed. What’s missing from the discussion is that the Paris Accord is a total hoax, a fraud meant to enrich a few. Talk about controlled opposition. No one mentions the climate bonds industry, or the predatory loans which carbon taxes finance. In relation to point “D”, we are going into debt — to private companies — to borrow money which we then give away, yet this isn’t addressed. And how does paying taxes improve the weather anyway?

This is by no means a complete list, just a few major points that potential voters need to think about when asking their candidates for information.

4. Arguing Over Trivial Matters

People running for various offices will disagree on many things. Often they will argue over DIFFERENT POLICIES. However, when one argues over different ways to implement the SAME POLICIES, it becomes a fair question as to how different they really are. Fierce debate over essentially the same positions is a dog-and-pony show, which doesn’t offer a real alternative to voters.

5. Opposition By Scandal

Don’t get the wrong idea. Governments in power do often have scandals, such as corruption, gross incompetence. While holding a government to account is important, it should not be the MAIN SOURCE of opposition. If someone seeks office, and their main points all have to do with pointing out current administration incompetence, then they likely have little to offer as a platform.

6. Check Who Really Funds Candidates

There are several ways to do this. Check them out to see if they have rich relatives. Check work history to see if there is a particular company or industry they will be pushing. See who lobbies them or donates to their campaign accounts. Effectively, do a background check on your candidates. At times, the candidate will shove it in your face. Take note.

To be fair however, Canadian politicians are influenced by a variety of foreign interests. The Prime Minister is (allegedly) the bastard son of the late Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro. The Deputy Prime Minister is the granddaughter of a Nazi collaborator. The Defence Minister is an Indian National, so is our Industry Minister. The former Immigration Minister is a Somali refugee who funnels tax payer money there. The Status-Of-Women Minister is a fake refugee and illegal alien from Iran. M103 was passed by a Pakistani Muslim who hates free speech. The Conservative Leader and (just departed) Green Party Leader are both Americans. The Bloc is a party that opposes Canada, and the People’s Party is headed by a former Quebec separatist. The NDP leader is a Khalistani separatist banned from entering India. There are plenty more.

Beyond national and ethnic loyalties, it’s also worth inquiring who finances their campaigns, and who is donating gifts. It will tell you far more than any brochure of platform.

7. Deflect With Personal Attacks

A person serious about running for office should be able to defend their ideas from criticism. However, when the person resorts to name calling, or continuously brings up the record of others — instead of answering direct questions — ask yourself if the person really believes in what they say. Also be aware of strawman arguments

8. Take The Time To Self-Educate

Unfortunately, it is true that the bulk of successful politicians are working for someone other than their constituents. It’s not fair, and it’s not something to be condoned. It’s quite understandable, the sentiment that voting is a waste.

There are a host of serious issues that either get downplayed, or ignored altogether. The media is complicit in helping this happen, and the public gets screwed.

However, this is (for now) the system of government we have. Learning more about the people who want to rule over you gives power. It creates awareness.

Protect yourself.